How did I fail and lost a customer

How did I fail and lost a customer
I pretended to be a professional escort: I have extensive experience and I wrote a lot of articles about how girls should work and what kind of attitude should they show. Unfortunately I’m not a robot, and my own development was full of mistakes.


When I started my escort career there was nobody who could direct me or give an advice. Internet just appeared in my hometown, and there were no resources yet, no websites where I could get information. So I had to be a cautionary tale by my own. But the case I’m going to tell you happened here, in Oslo, when I was already an experienced grown up courtesan, and, going forward, I can tell you, that I still feel bad about that situation and beat myself:( Probably I need a gestalt therapy... Or maybe this confession to you will help to release. Anyway, let me try.


I had a regular - a very nice and handsome guy, amazing personality. The one  whom we escorts call ‘player’. For players visiting callgirls is a natural part of life. They usually have a few favorites whom visit permanently and from time to time they try out fresh flesh. Players are usually well known among girls and no one feel jealous or pretend to become his the only one escort - it’s just impossible. Each player has some well known preferences and behavior patterns. And what I especially liked in this guy, that he was a very punctual person. He always made appointments in advance, never cancelled and never was late...


So, as you understand, I was in the ‘favor list’ of the Player (let’s call him C. -just a letter, nothing common with the name). One day, after having nice moments together, he was dressing up and as usual asked me: “Next week, same time?” I answered: “Sure” and that’s it. I just completely forgot about it next minute. I didn’t put the appointment in my notebook, I didn’t setup notification at my phone’s calendar, nothing. I don’t know why. Total blackout. 


Week passed, and not remembering about my promise to C. I just made one more appointment  at the same time! So I was at my apartment with another person. Then I’ve heard some noise in the corridor, went out to check - nothing. But at that moment a light bulb in my head came on. Instantly my brain turned own the memory,  cognition mixed with intuition draw the whole picture and I immediately remembered about the appointment and realized my fail. Fucking mind games... I had a vision of the C. arrived exactly at the appointed time, called me... got no answer. Then someone went out of the building and let him slide in. We met like a hundred times before so he knew that when I’m waiting for him, the door of my apartment is open, and somehow by coincidence this time the guest didn’t lock it too, so C. just entered and then I guess he saw man’s coat and boots, and heard sounds... This is the scenario of the movie my brain showed me then. I grabbed my phone: yes, missed calls from C. At that second I felt so ashamed that I just wanted the ground open swallow me...


When my current date was over I send him some feeble excuse saying that I overslept or whatever. And I felt even worse because of the lying. But I just wasn’t brave enough to own such a stupid mistake and unprofessional behavior from my side. He sent me some polite answer and of course never came back again. A few months later we crossed on a street, acted like unfamiliar. The end of the story.  


The situation was awful, for sure. I don’t know how would I react if I came to a girl and she already had been with someone else... At least I would write a very angry review! One of the most stupid mistakes in my career that cost me a very nice regular. Since that time I paranoidly checking and rechecking my notes and if my door is closed.

Probably it’s not smart to tell you about the case: it can scary away. Despite this I want you to know that I’m a fellow human being as well, I can make mistakes but I’m learning to admit them, make conclusions and to repeat never.

I just wanna say one thing to Mr C.: if you read this, please, forgive me! We never discussed the case and probably never will, but just know that I really apologize.


Ooooph... Feel much better now. You know, confessing really helps.

P.S. How would you act in this situation if you were me and if you were C.? Please, tell me in comments.

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First of all I must say that even if you have described the situation very well, it is for me difficult to see the whole context.

Shit happens sometimes, and I would categorize this as just that. The only mistake you did was not to make a note about this appointment in your calendar.

What would I have done if I was this man? I was in many ways like this man before when I used to meet a lot of escorts. I had a few favourites that I met again and again. I was a player. But for the last 3 years I have only met one escort on a regular basis.

I think all the escorts I have met would say that I am punctual, always on time, never cancel appointments and never bargain about price. In this respect I am perhaps like your lost client.

But there is one big difference. I would not just say to you “same time next week” and then just show up out of the blue one week later. I would have contacted you the day before just to confirm that I was coming and to make sure it has not been any misunderstandings. This would have been a normal behaviour.

I wonder why this man did not do this? If it was because you have an appointment with him like every single Tuesday at a certain time, then it would have been unforgivable of you to forget it this day. But if you sometimes meet him Mondays, and sometimes Fridays and sometimes at 1800 and sometimes at 2000, and maybe sometimes not every week, then it's different and you can't be blamed.

It's your business and it's professional to a certain degree,  but you don't have a supporting administrative structure to support you like a dentist or a car repair shop have. This man knows this, and he should definitely have contacted you to get the appointment confirmed.

I would definitely not have just showed up and walked in your unlocked door. This is the big fault here. And the damage is done when he walks in and probably understand you have someone else there instead of him. At this point I can actually understand his reaction and that he got disappointed. I don't know what I would have done if I was in his shoes, because it would not have happened for me like this. Yes, you are professional but not in the same way as hospitals, dentists or hairdressers who have electronic booking systems. I would have known that you are independent and alone, and would have double checked our appointment just to be sure.

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When I make an appointment with anyone a week ahead, I would always check on the same day or day before. Doesn't matter with whom, could be a friend, family or my favourite witch. In my opinion C did the mistake not confirming your appointment. If I did such a mistake and came in on you and someone else, it would not be a problem for me. I have no illusion to be the only man in your life, and I have no jalousie.
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Pressed the send button way too early by mistake. Sorry. See how easy it is to make a little mistake? I told I am not jealous. It would be no problem for me to be with you, after you had been with someone else, of course only if you were in the mood. I would for sure not do like C did, to choose not to have the great pleasure of knowing you. That would be to punish myself, and what's the point in that? You made only a minor mistake, like anyone can do. But when you was absolutely sure that C had been inside the apartment, it might have been better to tell the truth about you forgot the appointment. Then again C could have told you he was in the apartment. But is it ok to just walk into someone's apartment, without first be in contact with the person who lives there? I would not do that without knowing that person really really good. I would rather wait for a call back. This is getting complicated. Think I'll press send now. Here is a kiss for you Monica  
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Heeey:-) Can't resist to comment your blog this time! You certainly made a mistake, but politely sent him a message about this. were not married with him.....only his *play-doll* or an unfaithful escort:-) Why bother and stop meeting you because of. inncident..
If he had met you sooo many times (and HAD economy to do so)......and did't come from Stavanger once a week to meet you.....I personally would'nt stopt meeting you.....especially since the chemistry was very good!?
I have my regulars and makes upfront apartments problem....but of course....because of fantastic chemistry with my girls. ....if a double booking should problem.....her fault...and then it is half a punishment......and this deal works out 100% for me:-)
Do have a wonderful weekend still and I take it that you are just as amazingly beautiful as I mirror from some meetings some years ago:-):-)!!
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First of all, I think you needed to write this as a relief to yourself and how you felt and maybe still feel about the situation. That is important! What is done is done is all we can do about the past, but we must learn fr om it.

It is HUMAN to screw up our arrangements fr om time to time. I would say it is impossible to not do it, especially in your line of work: Appointments, extensions, cancellations, rescheduling, etc. etc.

Difficult! Like a juggling act !

So, though it was unfortunate that you forgot Mr C's appointment, this is still but a small error that we humans make in my opinion. The important thing is that we do our best to not make it happen again, wh ere you Monica have doubled your effort to not make it happen again.

I also fully understand your reaction afterwards, a bit of panic, a bit of shame, and then presenting the “not-quite-true” story of oversleeping to Mr. C. Generally, I would say most people are empathetic to other people’s minor errors, as long as we get the feeling the other person afterwards is sincere, is humble, present an apology, and are willing to make a small/big effort to make up for the mishap.

This is how I would present my reactions on the various (negative) ways I have communicated with some of your “colleagues”, wh ere initial appointment(s) did not take place, and not because of me.

Lady A, first appointment: No response from her when I confirmed our appointment, 1 hr in advance. Later same day: “Oversleeping”. Followed by an apology. OK, I empathized, and asked if she would like to try next day, 08:00. Yes, second try next day. I get SMS 30 mins before appointment, asking if I will show up. I answer 3 mins later; YES. No reply. Try to call her 3-4 times within next 10 minutes; nothing. Suffice to say, I will not call her again.

Lady B, first appointment: No response when I confirm meet in advance. Later that day: “Oversleeping”, and apology. Fine, I slightly ironically suggest buying one, or even better, two alarm clocks. I decide later that day to call her again, if she wants another try. She responds that she gladly will. We met later that day for a great time.

Lady C, first appointment: Made on Friday, for Monday 10:00. I decide on my own to confirm by SMS around 09:15, she then apologizes (and tone of SMS appears sincere), thought I would not show. I asked her to meet later that day, and she appears willing to make an effort. I empathize. When we met in person, she again apologizes. How can I not forgive a lady that appears sincere and humble?!

So, Lady A failed twice, and did not come forward as sincere, humble and willing to correct (her) mistakes and failed appointment. Lady B and C: Same “error”, but their reaction was sincere, humble and willing to make an effort.

It could very well be that Mr. C experienced your REACTION (the not-so-true explanation of the failed appointment) as more difficult to handle than the ACTION (forgotten appointment) in itself, which, as I mention above, is something that all humans do from time to time.

I will make two quotes, that I think summons up the issue of what we are talking about here, how we create, maintain and unfortunately from time to time destroy TRUST between ourself and other humans:

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.”…Amy Rees Anderson

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”…Warren Buffett, America’s favorite billionaire
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Hi, Monica!
In my opinion you have nothing to be ashamed of and feel guilty about. The situation you describe, and your following acts, only show you are a very sincere human being. I have yet to meet a flawless person, but you come pretty close!

I'm a bit puzzled that the person, Mr. C, seemingly didn't respond to your appology. That I concider a bigger flaw than that of yours - a minor mistake we all will be victim of from time to time.
Further, in my opinion, an apology should be accepted unconditionally, and without questions! An apology needed to be explained is unfair towards the person giving it.

Having gotten to know you a bit I can fully comprehend your feeling of guilt - mainly because you have a fully developed degree of well behaved manners. Maybe that's part of your challenge - wanting to be good to all those crossing your path?
The world would be a much better place if more people behaved like you. Adding to that, and concidering your line of profession and how you perform, makes you an even better role model!
(The latter will have the "righteous" part of mankind argue against, but the profession of true courtesans deserves equal respect as that of any other line of profession.)

In general it's funny how minor incidents can be haunting to ones mind, and sometimes grow out of proportions. But, one shall never underestimate the effect it can cause over time, and why "letting it out" can be of help to move on.

Monica, don't stop being you, and never cease to respect the woman you see in your mirror :-)
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I agree with what others have said. I think Mr C should have confirmed  the date some time the same day - I would. If it was me, coming to a  date with my regular and she is not there, I would worry what happened  and is she ok. If I get honest reason it would be no problem after.

One  thing though. If I showed up and there is another man there... I know  it's irrational, and logically I should not react emotionally, but I  know myself well enough to predict that I would feel bad about it.  Everyone knows these "relationships" are not exclusive. But I think part  of the experience is that both parties try to make the other one feel  special - she makes me feel a bit special, and I want her to feel  special too. Maybe we are just creating an illusion, and after all it is  her job to make everyone feel special. But at the same time every  person is special, and even with the payment involved it still is a  genuine meeting between two special people. Intellectually I know that  I'm not her only one. But if I turned up at her apartment and see  someone else is there, then suddenly it would be much more real, and I'm  quite sure that for me would be a sort of... not jealousy, but some  kind of sad disappointment (or whatever to call it) braking the "magic".  (But I'm the kind of guy that meet only with one, so..)
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Sweet Monica

How would I act..  There is no general answer as men is not men and they see you for different reasons. Some to get an illusion of love, a girlfriend . Some to fulfill erotic desires as men can have, not conected to love and some to play games they else can not play.
I would not show without a confirmation of our appoinment. I would not snik into your building with another tenant. I would not enter your appartement without you welcoming me.

For me , beeing of the first category and beeing who I am, I would net be dissapointed in this scenario as it would simply not happen to me. Bordering scenarious though for example if you contact me an hour or 30min befor we should meet and ask me to deleay for 15minutes woud dissapoint me and create a feeling of not beeing prioritized. And if you offer no plausible expanation I would pobably not see you again.

What you should have done... Completely honesty and as him to see you and show him how sorry u are.

Well I have not seen you for close to a year but that is for o
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Hi Monica,
I read your blog now and then..and feel very interesting the both sides of the coin.
Well..I have been a very good friend of an escort. I know..what friend that extent.
I use to drive every where, from airport to her apartment, back to airport, buy groccery, carry groccery to her apartment, take her baggage to her apartment..etc.

Eventually..she borrowed 25000 Nok from me..!

Ofcourse she promised many times to return.

And guess what..she refuses to return,..and counts it as a compensation for my visits with less payment and longer stay.

I paid her what she asked for.. I never negotiated. I never willingly stayed over..either. It was all friendly gesture.

It is a lesson learnt. There is nothing I can do.
So never ever give a penny to a prostitute ! use this filthy word..
Just forget and forget"suits" best them.
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Well you can´t do any thing of what happened. First the the doble booking you had forgotten the first one and then out of panic you lied to him. Probably if you hadn´t panic to lie and had sent him the right explanation with apology he would have forgiven you easier.
And I think the second mistake damaged this so called relationship and broke his heart.
I speak for my self when I go to a girl regularly I feel like I go to my girlfriend if you will, an imaginary girlfriend and have some kind of feeling and has little to do with intimacy compared to that feeling. And at the same time without any illusjon but more realism in that kind of relationship.
 But what is done is done and you have to live with it. I know for you is not about loosing a client but the one you most probably felt kind of closeness, right.
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