Once I told you that I hide my face because I ‘have another, normal life and I don’t want to be recognized’.Well, it’s not exactly the truth.
As you know, most of girls take escorting as a short-term fix of some temporary difficulties. Even you, my customers, often ask me “What are you going to do after you finish this job? You realize that you are limited in time, don’t you?” Hah, thank you for your trust:) From my point of view this is a cliche to think that our job is for young girls only. I know personally some successful escort-ladies in their 40th-50th. I myself have clients whom I meet for 12-13 years for now: since the beginning of my ‘career’. Some of them have changed a few wives already, and I’m still there. Actually yesterday I got a call from one of my first clients: he broke up with another mistress and could use a friendly ear. It’s fifth case that I could remember and each time after that we goes for a week to some exotic country, where he’s drowning his sorrows in huge quantities of alcohol and I’m pretending to be a patient listener. In the end of the phone conversation he said: “Monny, do you think I’m crazy? Each time I have troubles with my wife or mistress that I want to complain someone about I call you, my hooker.” I laughed:D Well, maybe it’s specific feature of russian clients (in Norway I’m for 2,5 years only, hard to make conclusions), but I don’t feel that they stop meet me because, for example, I’m getting old. Through years our relationships escort-client become more like a friendship, even though they still support me financially.
But I moved away from the issue staying incognito. So, it’s used to take escorting as a temporary work, but I barely know a girl who really managed to do this job only once. Let’s be honest, it’s a big temptation for a young lady to earn money that fast, even if it’s contrary to her principles. I’ve heard a lot of promises from girls like “When I earn enough to buy my own apartment I’ll quite.”, “It’s only while I’m studying, then I’ll find a normal job.”, “Now I’m married and husband covers my needs.” etc. About 90% of those girls came back to business in 3-6months. Other 10% - in a year or so. But they still trying to struggle with it, taking it as temporary solution. Main reason for that - feeling guilty and ashamed for doing this. That is definitely raised by society.
Even though we are living in the most tolerant period ever, in very many countries society proclaims sex-workers as outlaw. For most of people we are still somewhere between junkie and killers in the list. And this dissonance between material benefits and social opinion is the reason of self-rejection and constant guilt for most of girls in our industry. They afraid to tell relatives, they afraid to be caught by friends or recognized by neighbors. Actually this is one of the reasons why ladies travel so far from home to do this job, and the reason why do they hide their faces or use fake-pictures. And of course, this is the reason why most of girls have ‘double life’: a normal one, where they’re sisters, mothers, upstanding citizens and hidden one, where they charge 50€ extra for blowjob without condom. And it could be psychologically fucking draining to balance this two different worlds. But it’s not my case anymore.
A few years ago I started to feel frustrated after several years of double life. It was so exhausting to invent a new story each time, to keep lying those whom I love. Then I had a frank talking with myself. I admitted to myself that I really enjoy my job and I hardly change it in the future. I realized that it’s my deliberate choice: I am who I am, and those who love me will accept me and if they wouldn’t - well, then we don’t need each other anymore. Probably people who made a decision to confess about their non typical sexuality had the same thoughts:) So as a result I breath freely and not afraid to be seeing with a client in a restaurant; no one can blackmail me like “we know your real name, we got your pictures!”; my parents always know where I am and I can leave my buddies the address when I’m going for outcall for the first time to feel safe; I can ask friends for the advices how to improve my ad etc... To accept myself and open the truth to others was the best decision I’ve ever made. But even though I free myself from lies, society still trying to make me feel guilty. And this is the real reason why I hide my face.
Let’s consider particular case: Norway. Officially, selling sex here is not a crime. But then I earn cash, and respectively I pay cash everywhere. But what is it used to think here? That cash is used by old people and criminals only. Obviously I’m not that old, easy conclusion: criminal. Guilty! If I want to put this money to a bank account I must explain where I got them. If I earned them - then I should pay taxes. But so far escorting doesn’t exist in the official list of Norwegian professions I can’t pay taxes for that. Not paying taxes, in turn, makes me criminal again. Such a trap, ah? Under the aegis of fighting human trafficking, landlords could be punished for renting me out an apartment and neighbors are encouraged to blow the whistle if they notice some ‘suspicious activities’, while on the other hand Norway is pretending to be one of the most liberal country in the world, carrying about equality and human rights. Hah, I am loving double standards:)
Approximately half a year ago one guy who owned an apartment in Barcode recognized his neighborhood on pictures of DominicaHOT on RE. He wrote an angry post on Facebook in a group of Barcode hosts. Well, no one asked him what did he do on RE in comments, but everyone wanted to kill Dominica.
And then when some escort is robbed or rapped, they show such a real surprise: “But why didn’t she call police?!” That’s why, my dear: because she feels outlaw and has to hide her profession from YOU. When bad guys (real criminals) realize this, they start to use it. For a few years several gangs in Paris constantly robbed girls and took their passports. A few YEARS! An you know what? Only 2-3 girls were brave enough to go to police. Others were scared to death and felt themselves guilty for doing this job, that’s why they did nothing. Approximately a year ago the police commissioner send all girls official letter. Briefly, he said “ “Girls, we are trying to catch those gangs. We promise not to interfere in your business, you are victims here. Please, come and provide witness statements.” Only after that some of other girls started to act and bad guys were caught and punished. But this is a very good example: when society chooses wrong direction of thinking, real crimes flourishing. You punish landlords for renting out apartments to escorts, then girls stay quiet when bad things happen, so rappers, killers and robbers staying safe. Good job guys!
Conclusion. So far sexworkers are outlaw, even indirectly, we feel ourselves guilty. But while there are people brave enough to fight for our rights (for ex. http://www.pion-norge.no/ in Norway or http://silver-rose.ru/ in Russia), we have a hope that the world will accept us again, as it was centuries ago. Escort as a voluntary chosen work hurts no one. Even helps (I wrote about it here: https://monica-green.com/blog/escorts-the-right-to-exist/) It’s useless to deny the world’s oldest profession, but by accepting it and respecting it you can help a lot of people. Finally governments will have to legalize it. Step by step, by changing your own attitude you can make the world a better place. Accept sexworkers as equals.