How do we choose each other?

How do we choose each other?

You decided to visit an escort. You open RE, Eros or whatever girls advertising website. You choose you region: Norway, Oslo. Almost 300 profiles. You start to roll the page: faces, asses, boobs… Hundreds of adds, thousands of pictures. Somehow you choose to click the profile or to flip through. And then I can tell you so much: even if you took the first caught ad and you think that your choice was accidental, it wasn’t.


My scientific director at the university was passionate about implicit researches and in some of them she involved me. The results of the researches sometimes were mind-blowing.  Implicit researchers are different tests, surveys, examinations that helps to reach out humans unconscious. I touched on this subject in previous post, let me go a bit deeper now. Freud schematically depicted us (our minds, personalities)  as an iceberg in the ocean. What we see above the water is our conscious,  just a little top of the iceberg, that consist partly of Ego and partly of Super-Ego. The main part of the iceberg, that is hidden under the water, is our unconscious, that is mainly presented by Id and some parts of our Ego and Super-Ego


 There are different psychological processes in each human being, lasting continuously: perception, thinking, sensation, imagination, memory etc. Some of these processes we realize (then we say about it “consciously”) some of them we don’t realize (then we say “unknowingly” or “unconsciously”). And almost everybody knows: “Yes, there’s my unconscious, somewhere deep inside, yes, it shows up sometimes and maybe influence my life.” But what exactly is there and how exactly it influences – this is the big question. Implicit researches lift the veil of secrecy.


Why do we choose Star Track instead of Star Wars? why do we take a free seat in the tail, not in the head of the plane? Why we give money to one bagger but never to another? Why do we choose brown suit and not blue? Why do we date bitches when there so many nice girls around? Why do we pick this pack of milk from the shelf, not that one for the same price? Everything is keeping in our unconscious, and implicit methods helps us to realize it.


We made one interesting research according tolerance. Do you remember my post “Tolerance as a disease”? I told you there that nowadays tolerance is overpromoted, so it became more imposed then voluntary tendency. And that was very close to the truth. The results showed us, that those, who declare their sincere tolerant intentions, equality for all races, sexes, ages, unconsciously have preferences to choose people of the same race and sexual orientation to live in their neighborhood. Talking about “Tolerance as a disease”, as for me, the worst thing here is hypocrisy. People are lying to themselves, and strong media propaganda just suppressing their real thoughts: like Super-Ego that always demand “You must love Chinease food because you must be tolerant! Eat it or die, you naughty nazi!” I think that tolerance should be a volunteer and conscious choice, and we must be brave to admit ourselves: “Yes, for now I would prefer to meet white boys rather then black, because I was raised in the white neighborhood, all my friends, teachers and family were white and I saw the statistic that says most crimes in this country committed by outlanders. Yes, I’m a moron full of prejudice, but I work on it and hope to change my way of thinking one day, but for now I’m not ready to date with black guys, sorry.” -something like that, do you take the point?


Another direction of such researches – how do we choose other people. Our girlfriends, spouses, sexual partners, escorts, friends, business partners. And there were major trends identified. First, for something more stable we intended to find someone similar to our parents or other persons who were in charge during our childhood. Somebody who will pat us on the head as our mother did (especially if we are kinesthetic-oriented), who will have the same conk our dad had (for visuals), the same intonations  as our granny (audials) etc. For very short-term relations (to fuck once and forget) we usually prefer some beauty or kinky standards (tight ass, 6 packs, duck-lips, young Asians, milfs…) Somebody we will talk about later  “I fucked this Barbie/I fucked this Ken”. Or somebody who can be associated with our strong sexual tension we had before (maybe there were Sailor Moon on TV when you had your first erection provoked by hormonal leap, so you started to be interested in girls with huge eyes,  big boobs and long legs). Talking about other types of cooperation, we more likely choose people from “the same flock”. Someone who (as we think) can probably share our values, ideas, tastes, wealth level, fears and so on. 


Of course, all this is not 100% rule. There are always some exceptions and pathological cases, but this are main tendencies of our people choice-making. When you come to escorts advertising websites, sometimes you already realize your preferences (“I need 25+ yo girl, brunette, big tits, safe, not expensive, A-level”). Sometimes you don’t (“Ok, let’s try to find some adventure here…”), but even if you don’t, your unconscious already did.  Based on your purposes, you will finally choose someone who reminds main adult figures of your childhood, someone who cut from the same cloth or someone who associatively awakens your previous bright sexual moments. 


So girls, when you cut your noses, enlarge you breasts, pump your lips, think about it too: for something serious we intended unconsciously to pick up those people, who reminds us somebody important in our lives. We choose each other for our imperfections and similarities in abnormal deviations. Standard beauty is good to attract first attention, it’s good for 1-2 times fucking, but fitting yourself in this standards, you are killing the opportunity to be chosen for something much more interesting.


Love yourselves, realize desires you have and take charge of your choices.

Hug you!


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Interesting post, and I like your conclusion. Accepting yourself is important. Try to be who you are, and let people make up their own minds about you. Some likes you, some are indifferent, and some dislikes you. Just accept that. Trying to make people to like you, that don't do it, is hard work and probably impossible. And be careful to sacrifice your own needs and desires, just to make other people happy. It will sooner or later very likely mess up your head. Taking charge of your choices, is pretty important to get in a direction you want to go.
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And when it comes to choosing, I made my choice a long time ago Monica. I chose you, and I still choose you, again and again. Kisses
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