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Professional deformation of personality

Professional deformation of personality
16.06.2018
From my previous blogs you know pretty well my opinion to the question of serious relationships between an escort and a client. It’s pretty simple: NO. But some time ago I’ve started to realize (as you can see from my last blog as well), that I’m missing something. And this ‘something’ are probably emotions. I haven’t had any relationships except my work for the last 4 years. And when you are 29 yo, 4 years is pretty long time.
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So, yesterday evening, sitting alone in my nice new rented apartment in one of the most beautiful part of Oslo, sharing a glass of Pinot Grigio with my reflection in the window, I started to analyze the problem.
I’m sure you’ve heard about professional deformation of personality. And I can tell you, that escorts suffer from it more than anyone else. Being a self-assured girl with a degree in psychology I was strongly convinced: who else if not me can handle it? Ha ha. No such luck. But let me start from the beginning.
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A few days ago on one russian escortgirls’ forum a woman created a topic: ‘I realized that I’m afraid of men. What shall I do?’ And she described a situation when she was drinking a coffee in a cafe and some guy tried to meet her, and her thoughts were like ‘Oh, he wanna fuck me!’, so she rejected his attempt and run away.  ‘Crazy girl! She prejudge men,-’ was my first reaction on this. 
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A bit later I was spending a weekend in one European country with a regular whom I really liked. Don’t get me wrong: if I wouldn’t like a man he wouldn’t become my regular, but sometimes it’s something more then ‘Ok, Nice time together’. ( As you can meet with different escorts but have a few ‘favorites’, or different girls to each occasions, the same with us and our clients.  We have lists like ‘Nice and easy’, ‘Good sex, bad behavior’, ‘Nice attitude, but greedy’, ‘Soul connection, common interests’ etc. and the list ‘Dangerous! High voltage! Can hurt!’) My guy was from this list. And you if your meeting with such guy lasts longer than sex and cuddling, discussing  your feelings is inevitable. He started:
-I feel that there’s something more between us.
-More then what?
-Then a deal ‘escort-customer’.
-Probably.
-What should we do with that?
-What can we?
-I love my wife.
-Sure. Then let’s just enjoy the moment.
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So  we’d decided ‘Carpe diem’: live your life now and here and don’t think about the future. But as it always happens, the main question was raised: ‘What if you are not sencier with me?’ I’ve heard this question a lot of times. And be sure, each time I wanted to ask the person the same. The problem is  that there is no answer. And that’s why I come back to the beginning: serious relationships between an escort and a client. And thanks to all your stories and experience you’ve shared in my previous posts, today I think: Yes. It’s possible. But there are so many conditions and requirements should be realized... OMG
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First of all, as most of things in our lives, it depends on a person, but... Probably you won’t be able to escape the problem of ‘suspicious’ about sincerity. Does the girl really like you or she just wants to get some profits? Does the guy really interested in relationship with me or he just wants to fuck an escort for free? 
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As for me, I already burned at this: I felt in love with a client, we decided to start ‘relationships’. I’ve spent all my free time with him without asking for any payment, he made me some gifts and wrote romantic messages, we visited his friends and parents as a ‘couple’ and he pretended to be almost not jealous to my work (‘It’s your job, I understand ‘). Until one day I got an sms from my colleague: ‘Do you know this number? He wants to make an appointment and I can’t find any information about him...’ And my eye started to twitch like: ‘WHAT?’
I’ve never been a scandalous-person, so I just blocked him everywhere and stopped communication. He sent me messages from other numbers and accounts ‘I was so stupid! It was a mistake! I felt jealous to your clients! I’m so sorry’ Bla-bla-bla... After that case I’ve never let myself to start any love-relationships with a client... And yesterday, when I started to analyze everything, I’ve realized that since that time I hadn’t had any relationships at all. Probably because in every man I’ve started to see a ‘client’. Hello, my own professional deformation:)
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Indeed, when a guy in ‘normal life’ was intended to become closer to me, I stopped it, because I wasn’t able to tell him what I do for living and I’m not a good liar to invent some other story. So I told to myself ‘maybe later...’ and came back to work. Finally, this ‘postponing’ leaded me to the fact that I’m missing something. A very important part of a life: relationships. I’m afraid to build it with a client because I’m afraid to be used; I cannot build it with an ordinary guy because I’m not sure he will accept my job. Totally deformed. And I have no idea: should I just accept it or fight. What is your advice?

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Martin
Well, that loop you are describing is a tough one. I have never visited an escorte, but i am having a» due dilligence» about so. My fear, is to like the girl too much. I dont have jealousy in my body, because for me the it is all about the mental connection. I may become jealous if you liked another guy better, but not jealous in terms of sex. I also think you will find it easier with a n older guy, in my experience is that it is all about insecurity, (and that is a thing that foten fades AS We get older. And hopefully wiser
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Monica
Hopefully :)
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Dag
Hi Monica
I read your blog and find it very interesting.
You are a reflected and smart young lady, with a good head.
I will not give you any advice or ask you to find something else to do,
because I'm not good at it and I'm not in your situation.
Many years ago, before the internet, I saw on text tv,
On a dating page there was a girl who was in your situation,
who was looking for one to just join in and maybe become a boyfriend with later.
Do not know how it went, but I've long regret that I did not contact her.
Not that I think you need some help from me, just something I remembered when I read your blog.
Whatever you do, I'm sure you're doing well, knowing your time is  costly, like everyone else's here, do not take more of it and know this  letter is a bit odd
Hope you forgive an older man wondering a little. And thinking "what if I was twenty years younger"
Wishing you a long and happy life
Best regards Dag
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Bjørn
Absolutely agree with Dag. I am not your client. Hope some day I will. But always read your blog. And I wish I was 20years younger
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J
Hi Monica,

Here are my thoughts about the topic you bring up in this blog since I have had my share of contact with escorts in different sort of settings and rel.ships. as I told you... both as client, but mainly in normal rel.ships, friendships etc.

I'd say that my first thoughts about a client-escort relationship (not paying) is that it's possible and something beautiful can come out of it, but the odds are not exactly on your side. Rel.ships are very difficult fr om before and given the circumstances we're talking about, it sure will put to the test a lot more the maturity both mentally and emotionally of both. And based on the cases I've seen unfortunately, most, if not none - manage to establish a HEALTHY and STRONG relationship -- and not just a "relationship".

When I think about clients, I think there are two main issues;

1) the addiction to escorts many have developed
2) the emotional "neediness" and "insecurity" many have.

I've met many escorts myself, both as client and friend, and it's very interesting that many girls don't seem to be aware of how much of a role the addiction plays each time a client chooses to visit an escort. With addiction I mean the rush it gives searching, looking at photos, weighing the risk of choosing the right one, and the emotional reassurance as a man a girls touch, nice words and smile give. In other words, very often the most important factor is meeting an escort that gives you that especial GFE-feeling where the client at least in his thoughts may fantasize the girl actually likes him. That maybe he could be her prince-charming that will save her fr om life's hardships etc. Of course, he may have this "feeling" about a girl he's starting to connect with, but this thirst for reassurance and the adrenaline rush of the game, spurs many to continue searching for the next girl to add that will reassure him of his worth as a man.

This search - now addictive - has often it's root in emotional insecurities that, even though the guy may have true feelings for the girl - will make it very difficult for both to handle a relationship. The typical dilemma; the girl has economic responsibilities and goals she must attend to and many guys think it's just about offering the emotional part while the practical is put aside. Guys should know that many of these girls come fr om culture with a stronger family-orientation wh ere they feel much more responsibility for family than Norwegians normally would. Personally, if I was to desire a rel.ship with an escort I would for sure need to have this part handled. And I think girls should demand that if a guy wants a relationship, then he should be able to offer the lifestyle she already has access to.. or at least for her to see they can build this together -  both economically and also emotionally. The reason I mention this is not because the money is a deal-breaker, but because when you get the economic issues put aside more or less, it gives the relationship more time and focus to handle the emotional issues that may arise.

Now, let's say the guy has a good economy and is actually a nice person. The girls feels now she has someone at her side, the economic issues are more or less in control, and now comes the time for her to relax, develop the relationship and hopefully develop more feelings for her past client, now partner... and here come the main issues.

Will the girl manage to trust the man, open up her feelings and trust that he will take care of her emotionally? Will she dare to open up her heart again - cause often she has tried and failed before. Is this guy just out for fun with me? Will she manage to not question her self-worth as a woman.... is she open to remain optimistic and not sabotage unconsciously the efforts to develop the rel.ship?

Will this guy have the necessary emotional and mental strength to remain in control when those thoughts about the girls past come to his mind? How many guys has she been with ??? Maybe she even has feelings for some other... maybe she still meets other regular clients in private either for some extra money or just for fun... is she trying to take advantage of me in some way?

Reading these questions, you may realize it's a daunting task when a couple will have to deal with these emotions in addition to the issues a "normal" rel.ship brings. Many guys are initially very sure they can handle possible jealousy they may feel, and as in most cases it often proves too much to handle. Even the girl answering a phone can trigger his doubts, and combined with his initial neediness and insecurity, very soon the rel.ship goes from having romantic dinners to frequent arguments that hurt both. Many girls will find this very frustrating, as it also triggers her feelings/issues of inadequacy and self-worth.

Another thing is that many guys act too needy and insecure - even in those cases wh ere the girl has and shows she has/is developing feelings for him.. This neediness often cools down the initial passion and feelings and makes it more difficult.

I feel like I could write much more, but will conclude writing some advice based on my experience... btw. these are not imperative, and I may be wrong with some of them, but at least these are some of the thoughts I have based on my experience.

1. Be open about what you work with! If you had the courage to start in this business, have the courage to stand up for your choices, and be proud of being a person who thinks independently and not based on what society's shifting norms may be at the moment... (of course, I mean being open with the potential partner-- not everyone) The thing is that eventually the guy will find out if he doesn't already know but hides it from you, and a guy that can't handle your past for sure will not be able to respect and trust you in your future rel.ship. So be bold and let him know. The ones worth your time, will respect you for the person you are and not question your choice of work.

2. Age often makes us more mature mentally and emotionally; the best bet to find a guy that will handle well such a relationship, should ideally be 35 and up..

3. Before showing any signs of a possible interest, the girl should try to get more information about the guys mentality when it comes to escorts... how many does he visits..what does he value the most in those escorts he visits often? I think the best bet is a guy that likes escorts more for the sexual part than for the GFE-feelings. If they need reassurance through GFE-escorts now, he will very likely try to search for more of it when your GFE-attention is conquered and now not enough/of value for him. And yes, check these things before he has any thoughts/hopes of any rel.ship because else he'll not be 100% honest.

4.. Look for guys that show some emotional stability when it comes to girls.. guys that have had enough share of girls, adventures, and now looks more for an exciting girl to settle down with.... Those guys that call an escort for a "Goddess" in a review after a session will prove to be too needy and insecure later.

5. Ask yourself; am I truly ready for a relationship? Am I open to give this guy/the rel.ship a chance? This part can be tricky but I think its important getting to a point wh ere the girl feels comfortable with her choices, and her self-worth and truly feels she deserves a good, stable rel.ship.

6. he: I'm in the middle of a divorce and I intend to leave her, and I feel something especial for you.. I want something with you... NEXT !!!!

7. If you can find a guy that has had in some way contact with escorts, not as client, but as friend, relative, etc. who has had the opportunity to get to know the girl as a person - and not as escorts -- and knows better that not all escorts are alike.. that there are some truly beautiful girls both inside and outside... with feelings, hopes just like everyone else ... I think such a man will be able to handle much better the emotional ups and downs, doubts, that may come in the future.. because he'll be able to see the true value in you as a person .. and see beyond the all the emotional noise.


My thoughts,

J
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Roy
Well Monica it is not healthy at all to have sex with many people. It is Gods will that there shall be just 1 man and 1 woman that live together in a marriage. I would recommend everyone to watch and listen to this christian teaching by Robert Breaker. Biblical marriage: https://vimeo.com/162146861
 
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Monica
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Roy wrote:
Well Monica it is not healthy at all to have sex with many people. It is Gods will that there shall be just 1 man and 1 woman that live together in a marriage. I would recommend everyone to watch and listen to this christian teaching by Robert Breaker. Biblical marriage:  [URL=https://vimeo.com/162146861]https://vimeo.com/162146861[/URL]
 
Did your God told you about his will when you were riding bicycles together or sharing a breakfast?  
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Roy
Monica Jesus wants Christians to be led by the Holy Ghost. Sex is a beautiful thing, but God does not want People to abuse sex with sex outside of marriage because it is a SIN and leads to many negative things. God wants people to have sex together between a man and a woman should take place in a safe environment in a marriage. Today's modern Feminism is very evil and actually satanic. I would recommend you and everyone else to listen to this Christian teaching where it is taught how to get a good marriage between a man and a woman and other things. Dr. Larry Brown: Submission causes submission: https://youtu.be/uhamKj1MbUg
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Monica
Such a good thing, that you, Roy, know what does the God want. Have no idea what would we do without you!
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Guest
I belive nobody can walk through life without getting hurt. It is better to regret doing something because you got hurt, than regret that you did not do it to avoid getting hurt. Getting deformated personality from life is not uncommon, in particulare among people with a free spirit like yourself. Personally I accept my deformations, but it is up to every person to deside if they want to try fight it or not.
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